Despite her innocence, Hina Saotome is about to be sent to a prison filled with dangerous(ly hot) men. There she must be punished by a sexy, sadistic guard and be subject to his “heartless yet sweet domination.” This is Sweet Punishment: I Am the Guard’s Private Pet, a short-form, web-only ecchi series.
Episode 1 Episode 2+3
It’s another crazy Thursday night, folks. I’m here to walk you through your favorite overly censored web series! (Un)Surprisingly, I could not remember what happened in the last few episodes, so I had to re-read my post from before. Somehow, this masterfully written drama just doesn’t stick in my mind after I watch it…
Confirmed: Hina and her man are coming up with a plan to break her out of prison. Guard Chinny is literally standing in the same room as Hina as they make plans, but Lawyer Beau tells her not to worry about him. Which…hello?? He should be your top concern right now?? He tried to eat your girlfriend out in front of you two weeks ago??
Then Hina gets back to her prison work shit, and this not-inmate guy walks up to Chinny Chin Chin to tell him he opened a ramen shop, for some reason. I think Hina is trying to incorporate him into her escape plan, but my brain is too tired to try and translate this madness right now.
At lunchtime, Hina sees Tit-toos again and blushes. “I’m so happy,” she thinks to herself, along with some other thoughts that I just don’t fuckin’ care about because hello, I don’t care about her feelings, I care about the porn. Where is the porn????
Oh good, the porn must be coming, because Chinny catches Hina blushing at Tit-toos and gets jealous. He tells her to come with him immediately, and cracks a whip at her and tells her to take off all her clothes.
She takes them off, and then I guess they fuck? Nothing is shown, it just cuts to this:
And then homegirl is laying on the ground panting. I know I said I was watching this as a joke solely to provide you with thorough seasonal content, but I’m getting really salty that there is like, no fucking going on here. This is madness. On to episode four.
I think his mom died. Remember how we saw her a few episodes ago? I don’t understand why she matters. This is not sexy. Moving on.
In more relevant news, today is the day of the breakout! Lawyer Trash Beau tells Hina to make her escape when she takes a shower. She’s supposed to climb up through the ducts and climb out to safety.
Weirdly, LTB gives her really detailed directions, so we have to listen to him say “make a left, make a right, make another right…” for a good fifteen seconds. Which is a long time, especially when you consider the fact that this episode is only three minutes long!
She successfully shimmies through the duct, and somehow remembers the convoluted directions she was given. The shots of her crawling in a towel are absolutely ridiculous.
But oh no! Chinny is on to her! They have security cameras everywhere because, duh, it’s a prison, and he finds out she’s in the ducts almost immediately.
He catches up to her stupid quickly. Really bad dramatic music plays…
And catches her! Because of course he does! This is only episode five, after all, and we know that nothing remotely sexy can happen if Hina goes back to that piece of shit suit boy. Why does he only have one suit? Clearly, he does not love her since he can’t even be bothered to set aside another outfit for his prison visits.
He cries as he hears Hina screaming. He literally has a rope strung up to the ducts for Hina’s escape, so if he wasn’t such a dumb coward he could just climb it and get to her since she was so close to the exit. But no, he just stands and listens.
Then my wishes are answered, because he starts aggressively making out with Hina in the shower. It’s wildly uncomfortable, as you can surely imagine. This is not sexy. I take it back, I want no sex or make-out scenes. I don’t want to see a close up of anime tongues like this ever again!!! Let’s go back to the dead mom thing instead!!
On one hand, I’m actually proud of myself for finally keeping up with a blog series. On the other hand…I can’t believe this is the only show I’m caught up on right now…
Welp! I’ll catch you in two weeks for episodes 5 & 6!
These reviews are great, make me want to watch and laugh at this show too, the uncensored versions of course. I don’t play with censored oppai.
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I wish I knew where it was uncensored…I’m honestly confused as to how this is even funded, because the videos on their official YouTube don’t even seem to be monetized. It’s a wild ride, for sure, though. & I’m glad you’re enjoying them 😀
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