Whoa! Long time, no post! I’ve been slacking in the anime-watching department – in fact, I don’t think I’ve actually finished an anime series or even watched an anime movie in MONTHS. It makes it pretty hard to upkeep an anime blog when you’re either watching a million anime at once or abstaining from it completely. I’ve been reading about anime, sure – I haven’t logged on here in a bit, but I’ve been lurking what you all have been sharing on Twitter and popping on to check out your opinions on the seasonals and whatnot. But I just haven’t been in the mood to actually watch or talk about any anime stuff myself.
But you know what I have been in the mood for, apparently? Watching animated short films about dicks and vaginas!!! I started using Letterboxd recently, and I keep stumbling upon movies that I had never even heard of before. I’ve fallen down a hole full of obscure animated features and shorts, and somehow stumbled upon a glorious grouping of experimental animated shorts featuring singing, purring, sprouting, and dancing private parts. Please, let me regale you with my finds!
NSFW from here on out, obviously.
Wanted Melody, directed by Paul Jaulmes, Boris Croisé, and Guillaume Cuni (2012)
It’s just your average western showdown, but starring penis cowboys. That’s right, not one, not two, but THREE guys got together and were like, “hey…let’s all make a movie about cowboy dicks.” I’m not knocking them, either – I only WISH that I knew two other people willing to make a movie about coochie cowboys.
I don’t really know…why this happened. But I did have to laugh at the concept of a penis playing the piano at a saloon (how is he touching the keys??), and at the droopy drunken penis hiccuping on the barstool. There was a lot of attention to detail in the creases of these cowboy balls. I kind of wish there was LESS detail on them because, ew, but hey! Points for the effort, for sure!
Don’t tell Mom, directed by Sawako Kabuki (2015)
A “nocturnal education film,” this is a (fake) musical PSA advocating masturbation. It tells of the joys of rubbing yourself against a bicycle seat, putting an eggplant in your butt and more! And it features dancing penises and vaginas, of course! Recommended for fans of the raunchy goofiness of Pop Team Epic.
This one is my favorite on the list, and it’s actually what sparked this weird rabbit hole in the first place. I was looking into female animators, and stumbled upon this beauty. I highly recommend checking out the other videos on her Vimeo channel – they’re all just as weird and whimsical as this one. I especially like MASTER BLASTER, which is like a jazzy ode to buttholes and sucking dick. It’s like an 18+ Katamari Damacy cutscene!
Pussy / Cipka, directed by Renata Gąsiorowska (2016)
Guess what this one’s about? That’s right, a sentient vagina! This is a story about a woman relaxing and going to masturbate, when suddenly her vagina jumps off of her and decides to have fun on its own. It’s oddly charming, thanks to its simplistic art style – it looks like it was made with a pack of magic markers. It’s also Not Quite as horny as the Don’t Tell Mom short, despite focusing more on a literal masturbation session. It feels like a nice, relaxing evening alone.
…I hope she invests in some curtains for her bathroom, though.
Shame of the Jungle, directed by Boris Szulzinger and Picha (1975)
This actually isn’t a short film, but a short clip from the feature length film, Shame of the Jungle. Apparently, this was one of the first “adult” animated films made, along with Fritz the Cat. So naturally I had to track it down, because I’m a nerd and I like watching “first” (and “first-ish”) movies. It’s just, like…Tarzan, but with penises, essentially. An army of penises abduct Not-Tarzan’s woman, and her boobies hang out all the time. It was really stupid, and I zoned out for most of it. Anyways, here, watch this clip of, um, an army of penises forming a giant swastika and then a peace sign. Because that’s COMEDY, baby!
OH, also, the army of penises don’t have guns, they just shoot molten lava splooge. 70’s American animation was wild, man.
When I Say Vagina, You Say…, directed by Anna Ginsburg (2016)
In this short, an interviewer asked numerous people what they think of when they hear the word “vagina,” “clitoris,” “masturbation,” and “pubic hair,” and then animated vaginas and penises answer the various questions. It’s actually quite charming, partially because of the animation style, but mostly because I’m always tickled by British accents.
This is apparently a part of a series meant to encourage openness about sexuality, which is a pretty noble cause. Heck, after watching multiple animated coochies and cocks today, I would say I’ve become enlightened and have reached a whole new level of openness. So mission accomplished there, Anna!
I hope you enjoyed those as much as I did. I just love the Internet, man – you’re always just a few clicks away from uncovering some hidden masterpiece about penis cowboys. It’s a wonderful world we live in.
Think about it – people in the 1800s couldn’t just open up their laptop one Sunday evening and think, “hmm, I wonder how many cartoons about talking dicks are out there,” right? They probably thought they’d get struck down by lightning just for thinking about dicks! This is, without a doubt, the best possible timeline – all the singing private parts are right at our fingertips.
In other news, I’m sort of/kind of/probably/not really trying to get back into the world of writing and blogging. However, I’m not sure if Anime Hell Zone is the place to do it…I mean, I just don’t have THAT much to say exclusively about anime and animation, it turns out. At least, not enough to write regularly.
I’m thinking about making a sister site to this one about horror movies, gay movies, and the like – those are subjects I’m much more consistent on. That way, I can keep a theme going while still writing on and off about anime here (and I’ll probably post the occasional anime post there, too). I don’t want to rebrand this site, necessarily, because I’ve already screwed up the algorithms and tags and junk, and I kind of want a fresh, organized start. For now, though, I’ll probably flood you all with some nonsense posts like this while I get back into my groove. I hope you’ll follow me in my sporadic writing endeavors, and I’ll keep you posted. Thank you for all your support and for reading, even when I go off the grid for months and months 🙂