5 Movies That Should Have Been Directed by David Cronenberg

Heya, in case you didn’t know, I’ve written something up over at TehBen! Check it out and, if you feel so inclined, give ’em a follow – I write there pretty frequently, and the other writers there are always putting great stuff ranging from soda reviews to NASCAR coverage to movie shitposts (like this article here).

You can check out the most recent thang I wrote over there right here 😀

TEHBEN.COM

I’m a film lover, but let’s be honest – it’s a flawed medium. Not every director is able to fully utilize the visual and aural canvas that filmmaking presents them with.

For starters, the entire film canon could be improved if they all included at least one eldritch squirming mass of flesh. If I go to the theater and I don’t see someone getting erotically penetrated by a flesh tentacle or a womb full of cursed ugly children…well that’s automatically two stars knocked off the score right there. Why would I go to the movies to see a normal person with a normal amount of limbs?! I can see that at the grocery store!

There’s only one guy who really GETS it – David Cronenberg, director of horny body horror like The Fly, Videodrome, and Crash. That guy sees any inanimate object and is like, “yeah I’m…

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